গৌরী

শঙ্খ ঘোষের কবিতার লাইনটা মনে পড়ে যায়..."তুমি তো তেমন গৌরী নও!"

I do not give a fuck anymore!

I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!
I do not give a fuck anymore!

Lost Love

The warmth of love has disappeared;
The dreams we dreamt together are shattered now.
Still in this cold darkness,
Some old habits quietly linger.

Heaven

Why do we have to die? I was a little boy when I first found out about death. I cannot still grasp the concept of vanishing into the void. What happens when we die? I cringe when I think about death. The fear of dying, the fear of losing someone to death, the fear of not being able to be with someone for eternally makes everything around me meaningless, like a big joke. What would have happened if I was not even born? Will be sitting somewhere far far away resenting rejecting the offer to be born? Or I would have been relieved that I will not have to bear the pain of death. If I die, will I still exist somewhere and feel the pain of never being able to be with the loved ones again? Or there will be a great reunion with each and everyone I know? There are nights when I lay down on my bed thinking about life being such an ephemeral thing, I lay down helplessly weeping. 

I was driving when I heard Patrick Phillips reciting his poem Heaven. Patrick does not believe in God or after-life. He wrote this poem after the death of his father-in-law. It was after a long time that I was hearing a poem and the poet's pain resonated with me. I could feel how he was trying to find solace. For a brief moment, that piece of writing gave me some comfort too. I too accepted the nothingness after death without any agony, but of course, for a brief moment. Then pain of future death loomed back.

Heaven by Patrick Phillips

It will be the past
and we'll live there together.
Not as it was to live
but as it is remembered.
It will be the past.
We'll all go back together.
Everyone we ever loved,
and lost, and must remember.
It will be the past.
And it will last forever.

After Reading "On The Road"

I finally managed to slogged through "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac. I did not like the book as much as I expected. After finishing "Blue Highways" last year, I expected another masterpiece about being on the road. But I was disappointed on every aspect of the book, the plot, the characters. I heard about Jack Kerouac through Sunil Ganguly and Alan Ginsberg and was really looking forward to read something written by him.

Dean Moriarty was the greatest son of a bitch in the whole novel. He single-handedly destroyed everything he touched. And I felt bad for Sal Paradise, who needed Dean so much in his life and never figured out a way to ignore Dean's calling.

Weekly Update - 08/23/2015

Went to gym for 3 days. Watching OS design lectures. Read half way through Blue Highways.

Weekly Update - 08/15/2015

For the last few days, I have been dissatisfied with my lifestyle. So finally I came up with a checklist to make sure I don't feel guilty when I go to bed at night. These are: Work Diligently Eat Healthy Exercise Regularly Stay Groomed Wear Tidy Clothes Read/Learn/Do Something My Fall semester starts in a week. I am taking two classes this time. I also watching UC Berkeley's Operating System lectures on YouTube. Also, I signed up at a gym near work. I am trying to get into a routine for working out.